We’ve probably all heard the expression, “Time is on your
side.” Yet to those of us who work in the hospice field, often
we hear our patients and their families talk of
how there isn’t
enough time. We hear, “if only we had more time” as patients
and their families deal with terminal illness.
Part of our role in their lives is to help them
process these feelings and find ways to give meaning
to the time that they have left.
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| The newlywed couple, Laurence
and Heather (pictured above), share their joy
with Hospice Chaplain Alice Seccafico after
the ceremony that took place on the Van Dyke
Hospice Inpatient Unit where the bride’s
mother was a patient. |
One such opportunity arose for me in a most unusual way. I work
as part of the hospice team that provides care
to patients on our inpatient hospice unit. Recently
one of the nurses on the team told me about a patient
who had confided that her one regret would be that
she would not live to see her daughter get married
the following year. As ‘thinking outside the box’ is
what we do daily on the unit, the nurse purchased
a wedding card from the gift shop and gave it to
me, thinking that I could assist this patient in
writing her thoughts on the card for her daughter.
I sat with Evelyn, and the love she had for her
daughter poured into the few lines she was able to put together.
I
called another of Evelyn’s daughters, told her about the card,
and trusted that she would know when the time was
right to present it to her sister. From there,
an idea sprouted as Evelyn’s
daughter asked me if I could marry her sister in
her mother’s hospice room. I told her that if that is what her
sister wanted, we could do so.
It was Friday afternoon and a marriage
license had to be obtained. I made calls, the bride-
and groom-to-be hurried to the town hall and applied.
With a 72-hour mandatory wait, the ceremony was
scheduled for late Monday afternoon. It now seemed
like we could all hear the ticking of the clock
as we waited for Monday to arrive. As the hours
ticked by, we knew that time would not stand still,
even for the mother of the bride-to-be. Her daughter
shared the plans with her mother and together the
family waited, planned and gathered. We did not
know if time would be our friend, if time would
grant a small reprieve.
The staff of the inpatient
hospice unit truly went above and beyond. They
wanted this to be special and they gave of their
own time and resources to make it so. They ordered
a wedding cake and worked to transform the unit’s family room
into a wedding chapel complete with a lighted arch
and wedding decorations. As the wedding approached
the room truly took on a magical feel. All who
entered knew something special was about to happen.
Finally, the time had come. The mother-of-the-bride
was brought down to the “wedding chapel” and the ceremony
began. It was an honor for me to officiate at this
wedding, looking out at the mother of the bride,
framed by the bride and her groom. I was struck
at the time how the staff came together in a way
some would have thought impossible, to grant a dying woman’s wish
to see her daughter marry.
The ceremony was
certainly an emotional one, a mix of joy and sadness,
a time of celebration and mourning all at once.
Time gave us the reprieve we sought, albeit for
a short time. I am awed that we as a hospice unit
were able to come together to celebrate life, not
allowing ourselves to be constrained by convention.
I was honored to officiate, but even more, I was
proud and impressed by my coworkers on the unit,
who went out of their way to do whatever needed
to be done to make this unique and special wedding
story a reality.
Alice Seccafico
Hospice Chaplain
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